Conference Announcement

Attention Chicagoans: The Midwestern Conference for Fat, Stupid, and Overly Fecund Persons will be taking place on the Lakeshore Path for the duration of the summer. Attendees representing all 3 demographics will have their membership dues waived.

This day in Beatles History

On this day in 1965, the Beatles were inducted into the Order of the British Empire (as Members, designated "MBE"). In recognition of this auspiciously inauspicious occasion, I offer my tribute below.

Mel Gibson's wife of 28 years files for divorce, cites "irreconcilable differences, perv 'stache"

Advice

Aventures on the grete cité

In this contrey cam nevir knyght syn hit was crystynde but he founde strange adventures. Y rode and cam into a depe valey, hyght Chicago, betwixt grete buildings, and thereby I sawe three barownes of this realme, and one seyde, "Man, I could have a whole Jerry Springer show at my house." Than within a lytyll whyle, I cam upon another knyght, who wyste to teche another unto strong aventures, by three hyghewayes. He poynted the way with his fingoures and hondis, but the othir knyght was verily blinde, with red and whyte cayne, and could not se whother the first knyght seyde him to go. A cité of gadlynges, methinks.

Pimpkin

Gendering Knights

Dear readers,

When trying to determine the gender of a wild Knight, there are two things to consider. First, look for telltale signs of wear around the tasset (the males have an indelicate way of frequently scratching themselves). Second, check for scarves or bits of silk attached either to the headdress or to the lance. The males wear these as part of a mating ritual, to show that they have garnered the attentions of a female. Finally, you can use the GenderAnalyzer to analyze their blog. Subtle differences in writing style are sometimes the only way to determine the gender of a Knight in the wild, if the first two signs aren't present. I also recommend the Audobon Society's guide to Knights Errant to determine species and find out more about the Knights you see on your nature walks.

Cheerio,

Sans Loy